Resolution 9

The Best a Man Can Get.

Yes, hello. New Year, new blog. I'm sure you know what the reasons might be behind all this. I'm sure you watched the last season of Ugly Betty, where she started writing a blog and about three weeks later was offered a job running an expensive magazine by an unconvincing Englishman.

The point is, essentially, that I'm very interesting and have lots of worthwhile opinions, and this will give me the opportunity to air them in public, where people will be able to keep me in line by calling me a pointless dead-eyed prick.

Content is going to be split between commenting on film and television from a UK perspective, and also documenting the continuing weirdness that is my life - an existence that manages to be tolerable yet hellish, and that I wouldn't wish on others since they would struggle to cope with the surreal milieu to which I have become accustomed.

In any case, there will probably be a TRON: Legacy review shortly - where I shall try to avoid any comments relating to Olivia Wilde's fetish costume - and the glory of my opinions on screen-related stuff, apart from gaming, since I have no interest in gaming, or ITV, 'cos it's shite.

To kick off, a few observations made while venturing out of doors on New Year's Day:

1. I went to Burger King as a treat for lunch, and noticed a poster reading, "Crying Out For Onion Rings?" I wondered exactly what kind of person would do that, as they prostrated themselves in front of the counter, beating their hands against the floor.

2. Habitat is selling fitted kitchens with a "Lifetime Carcass Guarantee". I hope that, rather than being a peculiar translation error, they've started to anthropomorphise their goods. I look forward to being criticised on my eating habits by my own fridge.

3. HMV is selling DVDs of "Doctor Who: Time and the Rani" with three different prices in the same store. As will soon be clear, I am a Doctor Who fan. I feel no shame.

4. A man spraying himself with deodorant, while fully dressed and standing on a Tube platform.

5. ITV deciding to show early-80s Sean Connery sci-fi western Outland in the early hours of last night, with in-vision sign language. Handy for a film with long sequences of silence.

See you back here in a couple of days, assuming I've not broken my REAL resolution. More of that then...